her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
