I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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