New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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