she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
