Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I would fuck him just for his dog
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