Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
