Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
