I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
