I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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