There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
