sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
