the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
