you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
