my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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