Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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