I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
