I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
