i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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