Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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