Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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