found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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