One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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