you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
