Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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