I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
