Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
