Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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