So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
