Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
