no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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