i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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