also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
