he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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