so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
