I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
