We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
