Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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