college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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