There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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