I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
