I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
