Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
