Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
