chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
