yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
