She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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