A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
