If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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