you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
