I think im going to throw up on grandma
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
