she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my liver is dry heaving
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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