Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You smell like stripper and shame
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
BRING THE BAGELS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
