I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
