i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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