I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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