Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
