just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
