addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
